dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
