He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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