The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
