its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
