dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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