I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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