Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize