I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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