just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
