So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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