I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
