and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
