the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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