Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
