just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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