I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
