My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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