Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
