Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
