I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
