so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
