i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
