he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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