dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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