I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
