I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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