are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
