drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
