I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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