Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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