btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
