just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The beer is more important than you right now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
