Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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