I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
