you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
