When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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