I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
