Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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