I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
