apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
