You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
