Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
