YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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