Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
