meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
