its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
