He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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