You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
