We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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