also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
