just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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