i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
