These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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