He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Less talking, more tequila
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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