It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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