I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
