dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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