i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
