I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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