i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
