Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
