we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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