He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
