I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
