My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
