The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
