hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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