saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize