Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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