if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
