Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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