apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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