He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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