I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
