Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
