I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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