Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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