Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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