What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
